Friday, February 25, 2011

The Perfect Relationship


Now, don’t get me wrong. By perfect I don’t mean it’s all sunshine and rainbows with no conflict or issues.

The Perfect Relationship is far from problem free. But it does hold a sense of freedom.

My husband often tells people that the most loving thing I ever said to him was, “I don’t need you.” When he shares this, he gets all sorts of different reactions from people.

Some nod their head in understanding and others are bewildered by it. One thing is for sure though – I really don’t need my husband.

But…

I do love him unconditionally.
I give him the space to feel and work through whatever he needs to.
I create a safe place for him to share his truth.
I don’t take things personally.
I don’t have secrets.
I share what is in my heart of hearts in the most loving of ways.
And when I fail at any of these things as I do from time to time, I forgive myself and am secure in the knowledge that my most precious husband will understand and love me anyway.

The perfect relationship with someone else actually begins with us. The most important thing we need to do is to be what we want to attract. So if we want a beloved relationship, one of unconditional love, of caring and respect and honor, then we must feel all of these things for our self.

The perfect relationship doesn’t mean you never get upset or angry or hurt. What it does mean is that you can take responsibility for those feelings and work through them without blaming the other person.

It means that with total self-love you enter into the relationship knowing that you are worthy, beautiful, strong, wise and kind and that you don’t need the relationship to show you these things about yourself.

Now doesn’t that take a lot of the pressure off of each individual in the relationship? Things flow, you can have fun and there are no conditions upon which you share your love. You both come to the table loving yourselves unconditionally and that love flows steadily back and forth between you in waves of joy, peace and passion.

It’s not about the things we give each other but the feelings we share. And we can only share what we feel inside us. So if what you’re sharing isn’t what you’d like, maybe it’s time to make a change from the inside and share what you really want on the outside.

With love and blessings,
Bettina 

Make your life a positive experience from the inside out. Join us for one of our upcoming workshops, or contact us for a free 15 minute consultation to discuss how we can help you transform your life: Check our website at:www.thesoulconnection.ca for more information about our upcoming workshops, seminars, products and one-on-one, couples or group sessions that we offer.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Listening from the Heart


Are you a good listener? I mean, a really good listener. One who listens from the heart, really staying present with the other person, creating the space for them to share and hearing what they are saying.

It’s not easy to do. We often listen from our head, constantly thinking of what we want to say next and totally missing what the other person is saying to us. Sometimes it’s because we have a desire to be heard and perhaps in our lives we have not had that opportunity. And sometimes it’s because we want to show how smart or wise we are, to feel good about ourselves and to be helpful to another.

But what if we took our heads or ego out of the equation and really moved into our heart, allowing the space for someone else to speak; so they will know that what they have to say is important?

My father always says, “If you’re talking, you’re not learning.” And truer words were never spoken. We can learn so much about others, about ourselves if we stop to listen, to really be present with a conversation.

Thinking about what we want to say next is not living present. It is looking to the future where we think our happiness lies. Letting go of our need to be happy, feel good about ourselves, or be the savior for someone, can free us up to really listen and hear, and to respond with true wisdom and love.

Most communication problems come from a lack of attention to really listening to each other. So if you are having problems communicating with someone in your life, take a look at not how you convey your side of the story, but how well you listen to the other person’s.

Give it a go and let me know how it goes for you. Do you see a difference? I’d love to hear your experiences! Just leave a comment below or email me at: Bettina@thesoulconnection.ca

With love and blessings,
Bettina


Make 2011 a year of transformation. Make your life a positive experience. Join us for one of our upcoming workshops, or contact us for a free 15 minute consultation to discuss how we can help you transform your life: Check our website at:www.thesoulconnection.ca for more information about our upcoming workshops, seminars, products and one-on-one, couples or group sessions that we offer.

Friday, February 11, 2011

The Art of Understanding Loving Gestures


With Valentine’s Day approaching, the subject of how people express their love has come up a few times and I thought it would be a nice idea to talk about it in my blog this week.

When we love someone, we find ourselves looking for ways to express our love to them. These loving gestures sometimes come very easily to us and at other times they require great thought. Either way, our intention is to show the other person just how much we care for them by word or deed.

This can sometimes be tricky because we all have different perspectives and don’t always see things in the same way. And what we perceive to be a loving gesture might not always coincide with how our partner sees things.

We almost always give what we wish to receive. It’s how we work. However, what we wish to receive, again may not be what our partner wishes to receive.

This can cause quite a bit of frustration, unhappiness and disappointment in our relationships if we don’t understand what a loving gesture is to our partner.

For instance, a man may see his wife struggling with the old vacuum cleaner each time she cleans. When her birthday comes along he proudly goes out and buys her a brand new top of the line vacuum cleaner. His thinking? He cares enough about making things easier for his wife that he is buying her a gift that will help make that happen. Her thinking? What a terrible gift to give me for my birthday – certainly not romantic!

You can imagine what kind of argument this might cause!

Or perhaps a woman sees how hard her husband works and thinks that a nice relaxing day at a spa would be the perfect anniversary gift. Her thinking? He works so hard, I’d love to show him he is valued and give him the break he deserves. His thinking? What do I want with a spa day? I want to go to the football game.

Well, you get the picture.

If we can communicate well enough with our partners to understand what a loving gesture is to them, what would make them feel loved and valued, not only can we be more aware of what they would like as a gift, but we can also be more accepting of the gifts they give us.

Give your partner a break this Valentine’s Day and instead of looking at the gift, recognize the loving gesture behind it.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love and blessings
Bettina

Make 2011 a year of transformation. Make your life a positive experience. Join us for one of our upcoming workshops, or contact us for a free 15 minute consultation to discuss how we can help you transform your life: Check our website at:www.thesoulconnection.ca for more information about our upcoming workshops, seminars, products and one-on-one, couples or group sessions that we offer.