Friday, February 11, 2011

The Art of Understanding Loving Gestures


With Valentine’s Day approaching, the subject of how people express their love has come up a few times and I thought it would be a nice idea to talk about it in my blog this week.

When we love someone, we find ourselves looking for ways to express our love to them. These loving gestures sometimes come very easily to us and at other times they require great thought. Either way, our intention is to show the other person just how much we care for them by word or deed.

This can sometimes be tricky because we all have different perspectives and don’t always see things in the same way. And what we perceive to be a loving gesture might not always coincide with how our partner sees things.

We almost always give what we wish to receive. It’s how we work. However, what we wish to receive, again may not be what our partner wishes to receive.

This can cause quite a bit of frustration, unhappiness and disappointment in our relationships if we don’t understand what a loving gesture is to our partner.

For instance, a man may see his wife struggling with the old vacuum cleaner each time she cleans. When her birthday comes along he proudly goes out and buys her a brand new top of the line vacuum cleaner. His thinking? He cares enough about making things easier for his wife that he is buying her a gift that will help make that happen. Her thinking? What a terrible gift to give me for my birthday – certainly not romantic!

You can imagine what kind of argument this might cause!

Or perhaps a woman sees how hard her husband works and thinks that a nice relaxing day at a spa would be the perfect anniversary gift. Her thinking? He works so hard, I’d love to show him he is valued and give him the break he deserves. His thinking? What do I want with a spa day? I want to go to the football game.

Well, you get the picture.

If we can communicate well enough with our partners to understand what a loving gesture is to them, what would make them feel loved and valued, not only can we be more aware of what they would like as a gift, but we can also be more accepting of the gifts they give us.

Give your partner a break this Valentine’s Day and instead of looking at the gift, recognize the loving gesture behind it.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love and blessings
Bettina

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