Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Moving Out of Anger

We all experience anger at some point in our lives. Anger is a reaction to an event or experience that didn't go as we expected or planned or something that we don't want to look at in ourselves. When we feel that something is out of our control or we've been treated wrongly, we usually react with anger. Something doesn't go as we'd like or someone says something that makes us feel bad and we find ourselves yelling, slamming things around, physically or emotionally abusing someone else, or suppressing it and using passive-aggressive behavior. Anger can also come in the guise of frustration, resentment and sarcasm.
We think that it was the other person's fault when we feel angry but putting blame on someone else only prolongs the inevitable and daunting task of looking within ourselves to find the source of the anger. Yes, someone else's angry or aggressive behavior can trigger us and bring up the anger, but it's all ours to deal with. And when I say it's inevitable that we look at that anger, I mean it whether we suppress it for so long and eventually all the suppressed anger explodes out of us or we are constantly directing our anger on others and taking it out on them. It not only affects our emotional and physical well-being, but it can affect others including our children.
Besides getting angry at others never makes us feel better. In fact it can create many other emotions such as guilt (for behaving in such a socially unacceptable way).
We are taught when we are children that being angry is not nice and that it is unacceptable behaviour and while projecting it at others is not good, actually feeling anger is absolutely fine. In fact it is a very normal human response to some situations. That being said, too often we say, "I'm angry," thus identifying ourselves with being an angry person. But anger does not make us who we are. Who we are is not defined by the amount of anger we carry around. Beneath the anger is a kind, compassionate, loving, peaceful soul. Letting go of the anger allows you to reconnect with that soul.
Anger is a mask of false bravado to hide the vulnerability we are feeling inside - fear, guilt, self-worth. In any situation we are usually looking for a feeling to come from it. If we don’t get that expected feeling, such as happiness, confirmation of feeling good enough, love, security and cannot express it, we react with anger.
Ways to deal with anger:

Be aware and honest about what you are feeling. Sometimes we don't even realize we are angry because we've suppressed it.
Take responsibility for your own anger – don't blame the other person.
Don't judge it. We are taught when we are children that anger is bad. It is not wrong to feel anger. Acknowledge it. Sometimes just realizing and acknowledging you are feeling angry can diffuse it and prevent an outburst.
Find ways to release the anger in a healthy way - a punching bag, going off by yourself and screaming it out. Then let it go.
Don't talk about the person or experience that made you angry over and over. Once you've released it, don't bring it up again. Talking about it all the time only keeps the feeling alive and the resentment will build up.
Say what you need to say in a loving, peaceful way. If you can't do that immediately, take care of the anger and then tell the other person.
Remember that there are two sides to every story and you may not know what is going on with the other person. Assuming you know will cause conflict.
Write a letter to the other person to express how you feel and then throw it away
Forgive yourself and the other person.

Ways to deal with someone else's anger:
Breathe
Don't take it personally
See the situation from the other person's perspective
Try to stay calm
Don't react - respond
Use kindness to diffuse the anger
Don't judge the other person
Don't plug in to their anger with your own
Recognize that you can't change the other person
Be aware of anything you may be feeling so you can let it go
Tell them you'd love to discuss the situation when they are feeling more calm
If you or the other person is still angry, remove yourself from the situation until you have calmed down and feel you can discuss the situation calmly.
Anger is not power. We are not gaining power by being angry, in fact we are giving our power away when we allow ourselves to get pulled into an angry exchange.
If you are interested in our weekly meditation classes, one-on-one, couple or family sessions please call River Oaks Chiropractic and Wellness Clinic at 905-257-9960.
Bettina

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Spring – A Time for Renewal and New Life

What is it about spring that makes us want to open all the windows, clear out the cobwebs and get outside? The temperatures are not yet warm enough to go without a coat and the ground is still dark and wet.
But, ah, the smell of the sun warming the soil, the sighting of new buds on the trees and spring bulbs bursting forth from the soil sets our hearts to yearning for the outdoors.
There is something about witnessing new life in nature that beckons us to renew our own stale beliefs and routines. The promise of new life gives us hope that we can find the peace that we are looking for.
And so with this rebirth we can look within ourselves to explore what no longer works for us in our lives. To let go of the old dead wood and make way for the blossoming of a new outlook, new beliefs that support us in every way, allowing us to remove the heaviness of our winter wear and feel the freedom of the lightness that comes with shaking off old negative habits.
Take a look at what doesn't work. What beliefs are you carrying around from childhood that may once have worked for you but are no longer needed or serving you? Examine and explore them, recognizing that they are not to your benefit anymore and replace them with something that is more beneficial.
Our beliefs are what create our emotions. Letting go of the negative beliefs will help to release the negative emotions of the past so that you can feel more peace within. Letting go of old beliefs will also allow you to let go of relying on anyone else to make you feel good about yourself. You can feel good all the time without waiting for validation from the world.
Spring cleaning inside and out can be the key to a more relaxing, fun and joyous life.
If you are interested in our weekly meditation classes, one-on-one, couple or family sessions please call River Oaks Chiropractic and Wellness Clinic at 905-257-9960.
Bettina Goodwin

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Getting Out of the Loop of Bad Relationships

Have you ever asked yourself why you keep attracting the same bad relationships? What is it about you that seems to always creates experiences of disrespect, abandonment, neglect and just plain bad manners with a partner?
Similar actions create similar results. If you never change the way you do things, what you believe about yourself and the world, or your ability to speak up honestly with compassion, you will continue to have the same experiences over and over again. If you find yourself in a bad relationship, ask yourself what it is that you are doing that may need to change.
Are you allowing yourself to be treated badly and not speaking up for yourself? If you are, why do you suppose this is happening? Is there a fear of speaking up? Are you afraid of not being loved, approved of or good enough?
Everything experience you have in life is created by you based on your belief system. Your ability to attract a wonderful, loving, compassionate partner comes from what you believe about yourself and the world around you.
If you don’t get respect from your partner look at whether you respect yourself? Respecting yourself means speaking up when you feel you are being treated unfairly.
If you are being abused emotionally or physically, are you taking care of yourself by leaving the abusive situation instead of remaining a victim?
The power to have your needs met comes from the strength inside that allows you to take care of yourself with grace, wisdom, love and peace.
Anger is not power – lashing out at someone is actually giving your power away and comes from resentment inside about how you are being treated. Look at the way you are being treated as a guide to what you are feeling inside and shift that feeling and the belief.
Be what you want to attract. If you want respect, be respectful to yourself and others. If you want peace, act and speak with peace. If you want kindness, act with kindness.
If you don’t want to attract someone with negative traits, then let go of the negative traits in you. Release the bad feelings, anger, guilt, resentment, and fear.
Write a journal that reflects the kind of life you want to live with your partner. Read it and recognize the parts of you that are attractive and that will help to create this life.
Be open to every experience that comes your way and be aware of those that do not serve you.
Change your experiences from the inside out.
If you are interested in our weekly meditation classes, one-on-one, couple or family sessions please call River Oaks Chiropractic and Wellness Clinic at 905-257-9960.
Bettina

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

That Winning Spirit

With the Olympics just having finished and Canada having such a great showing with a record-breaking 14 gold medals, you may dream about what it must be like to stand on the podium as you hear your country's anthem being played.
You may even wonder how an athlete can be so focused and passionate about getting up each day and practicing, training and working hard to some day reach that podium.
They may be drawn to snowboard, figure skate or in general test their bodies to the limit, but what's interesting is that we are no different than these athletes on the inside. We can be drawn to test ourselves in many different areas of our lives. The question is do we stand up to the challenge, face the fears, the self-doubt and the reality that it might take some work to excel in whatever our passion is.
It could be something as interesting as flying a plane or it could be something as abstract as solving the latest Sudoku puzzle. We don't become great at anything unless we spend time practicing, training and working on honing our skills.
The difference between those who go after Olympic Gold and those who choose not to pursue their dream is that they have the winning spirit. The winning spirit consists of not only a passion for what they do, but a belief that anything is possible and will happen.
They never dwell on the self-doubt, the negative possibilities or worry about what would happen if they don't win. They build on the belief that they can and will win. And when they falter in their resolve to follow through, they have an inner strength that guides them back on course.
What is your passion? Is it a dream or can you see yourself making it a reality?
Carl Jung said, "Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens."
Look inside at what is keeping you from making your dreams a reality. Push past the blocks that keep you stuck on the dream and face the fear that holds you back. Find that winning spirit that sends you forward to accomplish the great things you are meant to do.
If you are interested in our weekly meditation classes, one-on-one, couple or family sessions please call River Oaks Chiropractic and Wellness Clinic at  905-257-9960 .
Bettina