Friday, June 26, 2009

What's So Bad About Feeling Our Pain?

We spend most of our lives avoiding feeling our pain. We think that pushing it aside and finding distractions that take us away from the pain will make us feel better. It will for a while, but what happens when one day, someone says some small thing to us and we explode in a rage at them for virtually no reason at all. Where does it come from? One moment we were feeling happy and carefree and the next we were feeling so much anger we couldn’t stop ourselves.

All the suppressed emotions that we push aside all our lives stay locked up inside us until one day we can't suppress them any longer and out they come when we least expect it. Or we start to have panic attacks and wonder where they have come from. If we think of all the fear that has been pushed away for a lot of our lives, we will see clearly why we may suffer from anxiety or panic attacks.

How do we find our way out of this circle of emotions? It is very important to be aware of what emotions and thoughts are arising in any situation. We know when we are comfortable or uncomfortable. We often talk ourselves out of looking at the negative emotions we feel because it is uncomfortable to do so. But it is only uncomfortable because we don't like to look at the part of ourselves that is less than perfect. When we are young we learn to judge our emotions and thoughts and hide the ones that are deemed unacceptable.

We learn that being angry makes us bad boys or girls. And so when a feeling of anger arises we push it away because we are afraid that others will see it and consider us bad.

When we are afraid and mention it to another person what is usually the first thing they say? "Don’t be afraid." They are trying to be helpful but if we suppress the fear it will cause us suffering on a daily basis, even when we don’t realize it is.

If we allow ourselves to acknowledge the thoughts and emotions as they arise, be aware of what is coming up, when we are uncomfortable in a situation, we can let go of the negative emotions and beliefs that cause them to arise.

We cannot grow within ourselves and connect to our love and peace within if we don't look at the yucky stuff first. Once we clear the negative beliefs, we can then clearly see and feel the connection to the peace we've always searched for in our lives. So feeling our pain fully and allowing it time to come up, can actually help us to feel better more often and at a deeper level than if we are constantly suppressing our emotions.

This week, take a look at when you feel uncomfortable in a situation. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise, without judgment and with compassion for yourself. Be aware of what belief is behind this emotion (or thought) and question how valid it is in your life now. If it is no longer serving you, let it go and feel the peace within you as you free yourself of the heaviness of your negative belief.

Have a wonderful week of feeling!

If you are interested in our weekly Spiritual Group Meetings or private one-on-one sessions please visit our website at

Friday, June 12, 2009

Ego - Friend or Foe

We should probably begin by explaining what the ego is. Ego is all the thoughts that are constantly moving through us, a non-stop stream, positive and negative. Consciousness is what is observing these thoughts. And our belief system is what tells us whether to believe the thoughts or not.

We watch our thoughts as they enter our consciousness. Some just pass by unnoticed and we do not hook onto them, and yet we grab onto others and dwell on them until we have driven ourselves to a state of misery, unhappiness and loneliness. This happens because our beliefs tell us that the thoughts are true. We identify with the thoughts, thinking that they are who we are. This is a mistaken belief because we cannot be what we hear or observe. If we are observing something, we cannot be it. This means we are not our ego.

There are many different teachings that tell us that we need to control or completely destroy the ego. This is not really the case. We can exist in harmony with the ego by being aware of the thoughts as they arise, paying attention to when we start believing the negative thoughts and examining the beliefs that cause us to attach ourselves to this negativity.

By accepting the ego for what it is, that is something other than who we are, we can allow it to continue creating the thoughts without acknowledging them as truth. When we stop listening to the ego, we then notice it less and less and it’s voice becomes quieter.

When the ego tells us we are not good enough, or we are not worthy, unlovable, a bad person, we have the choice to either agree or disagree. What choice will we make? The ego will show us where it wants us to go and then when we do listen to it and follow, it tells us to go the other way. It is never satisfied with what is.

From our awareness we can connect to the peace within that knows the ego is not necessary for us to live a full and happy life.

When we begin to look at our beliefs and let go of the beliefs that no longer benefit us or serve us well, we can allow the ego to continue without allowing it to bring us to our suffering.

The ego can be the judge, jury and executioner if we allow it to rule us. But when we let go of our need to identify with it, we can let go of suffering and choose peace.

This week be aware of your thoughts as they are continuously moving through you. Pay attention to those which you hold on to and believe. Figure out what belief the thoughts are attached to and let go of any beliefs that no longer serve you, or that keep you from feeling the peace and love within.

Have a wonderful week living in harmony with ego.

If you are interested in our weekly Spiritual Group Meetings or private one-on-one sessions please visit our website at

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Balance - Masculine and Feminine Energy

When we are born into our physical bodies they hold certain characteristics and aspects that are either male or female. This is what we are born with, however anything else that we relate to being masculine or feminine comes from what we learn from our parents or society as we are growing up. These are all based on belief systems. Ideas such as "girls play with dolls and boys play with trucks", or "women are more nurturing and men are more aggressive and protective".

We are not born with these ideas. In fact, by the time we are 2 1/2 we have decided which beliefs will work for us by observing how our parents behave. As we go through life all other observations or experiences are merely reinforcements of those beliefs.

Masculine and feminine energy is not connected to our physical attributes however. Our belief system is where our levels of each of these energies are developed. One aspect of this way of living is that we are looking outside of ourselves for love, happiness, peace and self-worth. Another aspect is that we look for the best ways for ourselves to get these things so if we have watched our father be aggressive, loud, angry and controlling and get what he wanted, we may decide that this will work for us as well. We grow up believing that in order to get what we want (usually we think it is a person or situation but it is the emotion behind these that we really want) we must be controlling, angry, aggressive etc.

In cases like this we have more masculine energy than feminine energy. As an example, someone who bullies has too much masculine energy.

On the other hand if we watch our mother giving all the time, being subservient, nurturing everyone else, or retreating to get what she wants, we may find that this is what will work for us. So we become like our mother. We are soft and pliable, give in to keep peace, nurture everyone else, give all the time but not able to receive. In this case we would have more feminine energy than masculine.

An example of this would be someone who often finds themselves in the victim role.

(It is important to note that for either of these examples it could be the mother or the father having either too much masculine or feminine energy. It is not gender specific.)

When we begin to clear all the beliefs that we have gathered and taken on as our own throughout our lives, we find a sense of peace and tranquility. We begin to know that the love, peace, happiness and joy all can be found within. We no longer need to find it out in the world.

And when this begins to happen we no longer have a need to use aggression or passiveness to get the love we desire. We feel our own self-worth and the love that we are worthy of.

It is at this point when our masculine and feminine energy become more balanced. The aggression is softened by the more nurturing feminine energy.

Whereas in the past our voice would be filled with aggression, anger, control, self-righteousness, dismissiveness, when we do the inner work our voice in the world can then be brought forth from a place of peace inside, one that is filled with strength, wisdom, compassion and love.

And as a result of this newfound peace and a voice without need, we will inspire others to find that same peace within themselves. We can deflect and shift an angry outburst, creating a safe place for others to speak their truth from a loving heart.

This week pay attention to your experiences and note when you are feeling a surge of masculine energy. Try to look at the belief that is feeding this energy and let go of what no longer works. Be aware of when you are backing down in a situation because you are afraid to speak up for yourself, thus having too much feminine energy. Look at the belief that this is connected to and let go of what doesn't work. Feel yourself at peace as you bring your feminine and masculine energy into balance. Live from this place of balance.

Have a wonderfully balanced week!