Vulnerability Is Not a Weakness

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change”, Brené Brown.

There are many reasons to make changes in our lives. We have a general feeling of unhappiness, we believe that life is passing us by, we want to be more abundant, have deeper connections to people, stop beating ourselves up about our past, improve our relationships or move past fear.

Any or all of those reasons are good enough to want to make a change in your life. And realizing change is necessary to move forward is the first and most important step. But after that it gets a little murky. We find we don’t have the resources to actually effect those changes even if we’ve read any number of self-help books.

I think sometimes, what we are missing is the key ingredient, the catalyst for change that will set the wheels in motion for a brand new life.

That catalyst is vulnerability. Until we can face our vulnerability and acknowledge it, allowing ourselves to be honest and open and brave the scariness of bringing our vulnerability to the surface, we have nothing to work with. It is the very vulnerability that we are trying to hide that is going to show us the way to that deeper, more resounding connection to who we really are.

Women seem to have the vulnerability thing figured out. They are able to sit with a close friend and tell them what they are feeling, about their fears and dreams and they can go to that raw and naked place within them that is so hard to expose.

Men, on the other hand, have a bit of a rougher time with it all. For the most part they are raised by a society that dictates a tough exterior, one of bravado, false courage and certainly no crying!

It’s time that men started looking at those very personal and fragile places within themselves where they don’t always feel tough, brave and sometimes really do want to cry. It’s the single most important thing to look at for personal growth and expansion.

Whether your buddies cry or not doesn’t matter. You might find out that there are more men out there that are pretending to be tough because they don’t want their pals to think they’re weak. There are two things wrong with this. The first thing is that vulnerability is NOT a weakness and most men want to be able to feel and be exactly what they are in any given moment without having to act tough.

My husband, Peter told me a story once about how some of his biker friends visited him at his home. They saw the movie “The Sound of Music” sitting on his book shelf and starting teasing him about it. He confirmed that he liked the movie and as he did so another “tough” guy piped up and shared that he liked the movie as well. You never know until you have a voice who else might be feeling exactly as you do.

Embrace your vulnerability as a part of yourself that can help you explore your inner essence, the person you really are under the rough exterior. You may be surprised at how it can change your life.

With love and kindness

Bettina

If you're a man who is looking to make changes in his life and would like to learn how, you can find out more about how I can help you at: The Soul Connection

I’m Sorry Doesn’t Mean I’m Wrong

For a lot of people it’s very difficult to say “I’m sorry”, in fact almost as tough to say as “I love you”. Either statement is a result of putting yourself out there, raw, naked and vulnerable. And for most of us that means weak.

Saying “I’m sorry” also means for some people, “I was wrong”. And that equation leaves us running in the other direction rather than succumb to this idea. Why? Because admitting to being wrong means that the other person was right. And if they are right then we have lost the “battle”. Ugh! What a prison that can be.

A Course in Miracles asks the question, “Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?” Now, while most people I ask that question to say they want to be both, it just can’t be done. There is no way to be right and happy at the same time. Ok, for a minute or so you think you’re happy but then a whole lot of other things, guilt being one of them crop up and we end up in an unending loop of bad feelings, striving to be right over and over and in the end not feeling good about ourselves – which is what we were looking for in the first place when we wanted to be right.

So what is the point of saying, “I’m sorry? It is an acknowledgement of someone else’s pain. We aren’t responsible for creating someone else’s pain but we can show our compassion by apologizing if we’ve done something to remind them of it. It means, “I’m sorry that what I said or did brought up that pain for you.”

It’s an admission that the way in which we said or did something or the energy with which we did it and the way it was received was not our intention. Saying “I’m sorry” let’s the other person know that we had loving intentions that somewhere went awry.

It’s never about being right or wrong really. It’s about feeling good about ourselves. We can take the misguided route that says being right makes us feel better about ourselves or we can follow our heart which tells us that an apology will go a long way to softening the moment and the other person so that a conversation can follow that will make it possible for each person to feel safe enough to share their vulnerability and find resolution.

Love may mean you never have to say you’re sorry but it sure does create a much more loving environment for everyone involved.

It’s not about guilt, it’s about compassion. Guilt comes from ego and compassion comes from Source. Where do you want to live from?

With love and kindness

Bettina

For more information about my work and my Program for Men, go to www.thesoulconnection.ca

Be the Change...

The world is changing. I see it all around me.

More and more women are focusing on heart-centered living, embarking on a soul journey that takes them deeper within themselves, creating more meaning in their lives.

It’s beautiful to watch as they grow and blossom into more vibrant versions of themselves.

Often when they begin to evolve and flourish their relationships begin to change as well. Women feel that they want their connection with their partners to reflect the depth of their personal growth.

It leaves men in a bit of a pickle. If before they found it difficult to understand where their partner was coming from, imagine their confusion with a more self-aware spouse.

I’ve always fancied myself a bit of a champion of men. In the past when male-bashing was popular I would speak up empathetically on their behalf. And now as I see women moving through their soul journeys, I’ve noticed that there isn’t a lot of support for men on a personal level.

Women have found many resources and outlets in order to have a voice that is heard, to speak their truth and to be validated in the world.

Where, though, is the safe haven for men to express their emotions, their deepest desires? Where is their support system to help them find their voice, to discover their passion, to release their pain? Where is their support and counsel on how to live a heart-centered life, to create the deeper, more meaningful relationship that their partner desires?

As I have been reflecting on these questions, I realized that I can help. I have the tools and skills to guide men through the unfamiliar territory of emotional awareness. I can create the safe space for them to touch on long hidden barriers to a life of passion, depth and immeasurable love. I can help them face the fears that keep deep-seated emotions locked away.

The time has come for the perfect balance of masculine and feminine energies. We are moving in a world of more equality for women and men. And we all could use a little help now and then to reach a peaceful balance, a partnership that just feels good.

Men need this now. Let’s give them the support they need and deserve so that they have the opportunity to be the kind of partners we, as women, know they can be. Most men want to do the right thing, they just don’t always know what that is. Let’s give them the chance to find out.

With love and kindness

Bettina

To find out more about my program for men go to: www.thesoulconnection.ca